apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize