I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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