i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
