Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
