Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
