I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
