I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
