If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
