I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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