I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
