He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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