brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
