you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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