legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
