the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
