I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize