my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize