i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
