Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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