I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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