If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
