i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
