When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
