i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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