Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize