We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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