I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize