dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
