Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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