Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize