i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
