I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
