we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize