Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
