Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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