Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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