Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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