I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
