I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
