Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
