Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im part way to drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
