hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
