Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
