being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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