dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
