Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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