i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
