fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
