Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
