And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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