i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize