he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
