my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize