good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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