my mouth tastes like poor choices
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
