actually, I'm a sock model
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
