I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
