Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
