it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
