I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
