I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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