took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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