I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
