Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
