I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
