I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
