I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
