you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
