I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
