I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize